Dear Birth Mother,
I hope you are feeling well today. We may not know you yet, but, whether you end up being the one who chooses us or not, we hope the best for you, especially at this difficult time. My husband and I decided I should write this letter to introduce you to us, our home, and our family. Hope you like it!
My husband’s name is David. I think he’s pretty awesome sauce. He was raised in northern California and he’s the second youngest of six children; his family is pretty solid. Growing up, he played soccer, did Boy Scouts, learned to play piano, and did other normal kid stuff. In high school, he played even more soccer, played board and video games with his family, and started developing his culinary skills (he makes the best homemade mac’n’cheese ever). From what I understand, he’s been pretty down to earth from day one. Combine that with the fact that he had such a close family, such a great example in his parents, and works really hard, he really is a great husband and father. He served a two year church mission in Brazil when he was 19, and then continued on to college, where he got a degree in Information Technology. That’s where I met him.
I was born on the East Coast. My dad was military, so we moved around, but always managed to stay on the East Coast. I had an older half sister (from my mom’s first marriage), and a younger brother. When I was two or three, my mom developed cancer. For a while, I did pretty normal stuff. I swam on swim team, took dance classes, and had playdates. When my mom started to get really sick, we started having live-in nannies. Then, when I was seven, my mom died. I honestly can’t remember a ton about that time; I think it was a bit much to take in. My dad remarried within a year, and my brother and I had a step-mom. We thought it was going to be awesome; instead it was really hard. But, I learned something very important from those really hard years. I learned that love and family are a choice we make together. While I still got to do lots of kid and teenager stuff, that was probably what defined the way I see my family the most.
As I mentioned, Dave and I met in college. We’d both dated a fair amount, and so, when we started hanging out (the second time), it didn’t take long to realize that we wanted to get married. It also completely freaked us out. But, we did get married, a year before we graduated.
We were really shocked the first time we got pregnant. We were still in college, but we figured it would be ok. And then I miscarried. That was ok, too. I had friends who had miscarried, and still had children later. Plus, we were still in school. But, I suppose from guilt or some new expectation, we decided to try again. I ended up pregnant. It wasn’t until after I miscarried again that I was finally able to admit the truth to myself: I hadn’t actually wanted to be pregnant at that time. Why am I sharing this? I mean, it probably seems weird to share about how I didn’t want to be pregnant, to a woman who is pregnant, and with us wanting to adopt. I guess because I wanted you to know that I understand not wanting to be pregnant or have a child at a certain time/circumstance in your life, and that it doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you honest with yourself. Which, I think is important.
Now, before I go too much further, I do need to let you in on a very important fact. Not all of our pregnancies ended in miscarriages. Dave and I have three daughters. They are each their own little miracle, because, as we discovered in an emergency hospital visit, my uterus is malformed. Has been since birth. And my last pregnancy and delivery taxed my body in such a way that any future pregnancies would have been very life threatening. Dave and I prayed, talked, researched, and considered. And we decided I should have surgery to keep me from getting pregnant again. I knew what it was like to go through the death of my mother, and had no intention of putting my children through that if I could help it.
Dave and I began to talk about adoption after we first found out about my condition, when our oldest was born. This last year, we began to discuss it more. And we felt that we would like to invite another little life to join our family.
You see, we are doing what makes us happy. We LOVE being parents. My favorite part of being a mom is getting to know each child’s unique personality and talents, and then helping them develop that. Dave’s favorite part is getting to grow with the kids and experience what they experience. Dave coaches our oldest daughter in soccer, and comes to see our younger two in their sports (climbing and gymnastics). He loves playing games with them. We both love talking with them, and singing to them, and teaching them. (We take turns singing to them each night at bedtime.) I teach them piano. We take our children to church every week (we are LDS), drive them to school, and have them come with us to volunteer in the community. They have daily chores and allowances. We have pets that they care for (a bunny and guinea pigs). Dave works at a consulting firm, and I get to be a stay-at-home mom. Dave’s schedule can be flexible, so we are both able to make it to most important events. We try to play board games and eat popcorn together every Sunday night. We don’t yell often; we apologize when we make mistakes; and we do our best to help everyone in the family learn to love and treat each other with kindness.
And just in case you think I’m sugar coating it, I remember the day my oldest daughter came home from school confused. Her friends had talked about their parents fighting, and she’d never heard Dave and I fight. And I don’t honestly believe she ever will. You should have seen her face when I told her that I actually do get angry at her father sometimes and I just wait until I’m calm to talk things out. The shock was priceless! And that is what our home is like.
We hope you have enjoyed reading our letter, and it has given you insight into our home and family. We really believe our combined life experiences have enabled us with the abilities we needed to be able to welcome a child through adoption. We are excited to expand our family story. If you have read this, and it resonates with you or you have questions, feel free to reach out. We’d love to meet you!