Dear Birth Mom,
What can we say, except… YOU are a unicorn! In a society that makes it so easy to make unplanned pregnancies just disappear, you are that rare and unique person that has decided not to choose the easy road. Instead you are choosing a road that is selfless and that puts the best interest of your child before your own needs. Not only does that make you a unicorn among women, but it makes you the very essence of a mother. Thank you for that. Your selfless choice is going to provide OPPORTUNITY for all those involved: Opportunity for this child to live a life filled with love and endless possibilities; An opportunity for you to move forward in a positive direction and follow your own dreams; and finally, an opportunity for a couple (hopefully us) to realize their dream of raising a child.
So, a little about us… We are Bryan and Nikki – lawyers by day and mellow, reality- tv junkies by night. Seriously, we really are mellow and really never fight. We joke that it’s because we get all of our fighting out at work. In truth, it’s probably because we share the same priorities and values at our core. When that’s the case, there’s not much to fight about.
We are not your typical lawyers in that we don’t work crazy hours. We are both blessed to work for agencies that basically allow us a nine-to-five schedule. Nikki even has the option of working part time and plans to do that once we have a child at home. In our free time we like to take road trips, hike, go the beach, sing (that’s Nikki), play video games (that’s Bryan) and most importantly, catch up with family and friends. We have a very tight knit family on both sides and some friends that we consider family. We can’t wait to add a little nugget to our lovable group.
Import things you need to know about us… You might find comfort in knowing that Bryan is adopted himself. He was adopted as an infant and has nothing but the deepest gratitude for both his biological parents and his adoptive parents. He’s thankful to his young birth parents who knew they just were not equipped at that time to raise a child. He knows they made the right choice in placing him for adoption so that he could be raised and loved and taught so well by the people he calls Mom and Dad. He has always known he was adopted and also always known that his adoptive parents could not love him any more if they shared his same DNA. We think this makes Bryan uniquely qualified to be an adoptive parent himself and we hope you agree. Who better to help a child navigate life as an adoptee than someone who has done it himself and who has thrived in the process!?
Nikki has adopted family members as well and has never felt any different kind of love for her biological versus her adopted relatives. Family is family!
You should also know that we lost a child in early 2017. At 13 weeks of pregnancy, we learned that our baby had a rare chromosomal abnormality that was likely fatal. We chose not to terminate the pregnancy because we believed that God placed that little baby with us and we would leave it to His will to decide when he would take him home. Our son stayed with us for 41 and a half weeks! He was stillborn upon delivery. We are grateful for every moment that we had him and look forward to seeing him in heaven. You see, he was the first one to put the love of a parent into our hearts – a love that we feel compelled to share with another child. You are probably feeling a similar love right now – it happens long before they get here. That love is probably what is prompting you to protect your child and give them every opportunity for a great future. Nikki understands the pain of carrying a child that you won’t get the opportunity to parent. It’s a tough road, but taken day-by-day, it is doable, especially when you know you are doing the right thing.
We hope it helps you to know that once he or she gets here, there will be love, safety, happiness and a beautiful life waiting. Under no circumstances will this child be a substitute for our lost child. Every child is a unique blessing and deserves their own story.
We have a lot of life experience that we can’t wait to share with a child. We like to think that we have youthful and energetic spirits combined with the wisdom that comes from being in our early forties. Bryan is not only book smart, but super handy (he can fix just about anything) and has a talent for finding a solution to almost any problem. Growing up he was a competitive swimmer, water polo player, referee and lifeguard. He also studied martial arts and loves off-roading. Basically, he’s a guy’s guy. Bryan is a great listener! He is quiet in a group, but when he speaks it’s always to the point and honest. Nikki is an extravert and very comfortable speaking in public. She enjoys singing (whether with her choir, at karaoke, in the car or in the shower), has traveled extensively, throws a great party, loves to make flower arrangements and is always excited to try a new experience. She’s a girly girl and a perfect complement to Bryan. Her family will tell you that she is nurturing, witty, has an incredible memory, gives great advice and gets teary-eyed easily.
We thought you might like to know about some practical considerations. We are financially stable and smart with our money. We love a good bargain, but know when to splurge and know the importance of having a generous heart. We live in one of the best school districts, not just in California, but in the country! We live within 15 minutes of beautiful California beaches and will go catch the sunset or dip our toes in the water whenever we can. It’s only a twenty-minute drive to Disneyland! Our community is very safe and tranquil, but we can be in the culture, hustle and bustle of L.A. within an hour or so. We have relatives nearby who can’t wait to babysit, so our child never has to be left with strangers.
We both LOVE dogs and our fur baby is an 11-year-old lab named Annie. She is a very sweet old gal. It’s safe to say we’ll probably always have a dog in our family. We maintain a pretty healthy diet during the week, but like to cheat on the weekends. We share a love of chocolate, and ice cream, and cookies… We have two of the most lovable and spunkiest little nieces (ages 4 and 1) who will make great playmates and protectors for their cousin. We are very close to them and see them all the time. Finally, we belong to a wonderful church (non-denominational Christian) and are active in church activities. They have amazing children’s programs that our child could be a part of. Although we were both raised Catholic and still attend Catholic church from time-to-time, we have found a real connection with our church community. Surrounding yourself with good people is always a good thing.
We are sure you have a particular picture of the couple you want raising your baby. We can only hope we’ve touched on some areas that help complete that picture. If you have further questions for us, we are happy to answer them. We are an open book! Feel free to ask away. We pray for your strength and clarity during this journey.
Much love and gratitude,
Bryan and Nikki